I was taught as a child that Jesus Christ could represent me to the angry god who created the universe and could plead for mercy on my behalf. God invented sex, and then he expelled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden for enjoying it. This never made sense to me. Nor does it now.
I could not see how being accepted by this alleged divine figure could be a good thing. I still do not. As a child I was told there was no choice. Do or die.
It seems to me we still live by that standard with its inherent contradictions. Enjoying the things we have been given remains a punishable offense.
I considered rejecting God, and then I realized that did not go far enough. After considerable study I realized that I must instead reject reality itself. Reality is, after all, an illusion. It is a figment created by the mind. Many teachers have told us that. Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thomas Moore, Robert Bly, among others.
The concept of atheism is itself a work of the imagination. It’s not possible to be an atheist. Atheism is an imaginary point of view, as god is. We have to move past all of the nonsense into the realm of direct perception. I’m working on it.