Some things are over, some are not

You know that I photograph Golden Retrievers for the Rescue A Golden organization. Today I shot an event called Bark in the Park. For a finale, animal keepers whose dogs had passed away had the opportunity to read tributes to the assembly.

I believe that we all see Life through every possible window. We all were once blue-green algae, we will someday be enlightened beings. The game doesn’t end until all of us cross the perilous field of existence. This is an ancient idea. I didn’t invent it.

Dogs live, at the most, 20 years. A more typical lifespan is 12 years. We learn to love dogs, and then, so quickly, they are gone.

Let me tell you about Lin’s Golden Retriever, Jay Tee. He had leukemia. His custom during his life was to carry his own leash in his mouth when he went for a walk. He wasn’t going to run away, so he took charge of his own leash. Jay Tee was a mature, thoughtful dog. You didn’t worry about him displaying bad manners.

One night, when he was feeling pestered by the new Golden Retriever pups, Danny and Joey, he followed Yvette and me home from Lin’s house. Lin lived half a block from our house, and Jay Tee knew our home well, having been there many times. He was fed up, and he wanted a good night’s sleep. He spent that night with us. The next morning he was eager to return home.

The day leukemia took him we carried him down the stairs on a blanket. He rode in the back seat of the car to the veterinarian’s office. When we got there, he was absolutely insistent that he would walk those final steps under his own power. And he did. Once inside, four of us lay on the tile floor embracing him. He passed quietly on his own. Yes, the veterinarian gave him an injection, but he was already gone by then. He preserved his dignity to the end, and he died surrounded by his family.

The ritual today reminded me of that moment of passage with Jay Tee as people expressed their grief about the dogs they loved. They saved dogs who had suffered at the hands of others, they wept for dogs they had loved. Many of the dogs were rescue dogs who had suffered terribly, as Jay Tee never had.

At every moment we are at beginnings, middles, and ends. That is the nature of life. Some things are over, and some are not. Let us love them all, and feel humbled by the privilege of participating.

Namaste.

Being thankful for all of it

A gift from Bill and Jaime, Thanksgiving 2005

It is easy to be grateful at Thanksgiving. I have lived a charmed life, and I have blessings on all sides.

The wonderful reminder that comes to me on Thanksgiving is to broaden my notion of what I am thankful for so much that it literally includes everything, not just that which is obviously dear and sweet. I have worked for many, many years to come to embrace the stubborn, resistant, troublesome, and inconvenient parts of myself.

Joseph Campbell said, “What is the obstruction in your life, and how do you transform it into the radiance?” He said to look for the message the obstacle has for us. “When you find that, the symbol will lose its blocking force, or it will become a guide.”

James Hillman wrote on the same theme. He said, “This means that problems are secret blessings or, let’s say, they are not so much problems as they are emblems—like Renaissance emblemata showing a terrible impossible group of intertwined images that don’t make sense and yet are the motto, the coat of arms, the basic family raised to the dignity of an emblem which sustains…There is a secret love hiding in each problem.”

There is a secret love hiding in each problem.—James Hillman

Dr. Hillman says our problems often persist because we depend on them. They define the landscape of our lives, and we may cling to them because of their familiarity to us. Better the devil we know, as the saying goes. Another reason problems persist is that we refuse to meet their demands.  He said, “Until the soul has got what it wants, it must fall ill again.”  If we refuse to answer the call of our soul, be it to play the violin, take photographs, or to sit under a tree and meditate, the soul experiences the refusal as illness, and it is reflected in the body.

Viewed this way, even my aches and frailties are messages of friendship and compassion.  We are well advised to study and cradle in awareness the images and symbols that attach themselves to our lives. Dr. Hillman says that images come to us with a “moral claim.” He said, “It haunts or obsesses until we respond to it in some fashion.”

In this Thanksgiving season I turn my thoughts more diligently to the inconvenient aspects of myself. What soul’s request have I denied? How does an obstacle want to become my guide? Where would that guidance take me?

The wise counsel of Dr. Hillman, Professor Campbell, and Rumi help me welcome my own inconveniences. Gratitude toward these obstacles somehow sweetens even those blessings that are already so very sweet to me. My toast this year to one and all is simply this: May we all seek the love hiding in our problems. Namaste.

This can’t be called bragging

Golden!

Michelle has done it again in her post titled, The Value of Doing Stuff. Her post is a tribute to what I call life skills. Baking, sewing, growing vegetables, laying tile, singing, painting. The point she makes is that we praise the ability to buy such things over the ability to do them.

I think she’s right, and it’s our great loss. She recites a long list of her life skills, and then she writes:

This can’t be called bragging since none of these skills is held in high regard anymore. It’s like announcing that I know how to repair a wagon wheel or mend the stays in your corset. Quaint, but not much in demand. In order to fit into this century, I should probably get a full-time job so I can earn some money to pay someone else to make, do, or fix stuff for us. But I probably won’t.

I have several pieces of Mom’s needle point in a back room closet (and some by my first wife, as well). I have one of Mom’s stained glass pieces hanging in the garage. Thinking about this reminds me that I parted with a crocheted blanket Mom gave me. What was I thinking?

Michelle’s message, in my view, is to stop and reflect on what we hold in high regard. Is it money, or is it something with soul? It’s best to recognize the differences while we still have the person who did it, and the thing they did. We ought to reveal our own gifts, too, and learn to express them patiently and diligently. As I deepen my understanding of photography I also become more sensitive to the work other people do.  I have taken pictures since I was 10 years old, and I am now more receptive to learning about it than I have ever been.

Thanks for reminding me to think about this, Michelle.

Television’s brush with quality

The horse you rode in on

Television has had several encounters with quality. Northern Exposure comes to mind, and Captain Kangaroo. This post is about a couple other oldies-but-goodies.

We begin in 1967. I recently rented some episodes of the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. The disk, which I got from Netflix, included the episode in which Pete Seeger first appeared after years of being off the air due to being blacklisted by the House Un-American Activities Committee. The committee itself was un-American—one of the major stains on our national reputation, and a chapter of our history that all young people should know about and understand so that they realize how perishable honor and decency are.

As cautious as the networks were in those days, the Smothers Brothers were able to get Pete Seeger on the air. Being condemned by HUAC meant that nobody should acknowledge his existence, much less put him on television. They did anyway.

The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour poked fun at virtually all the hallowed institutions of American society—motherhood, church, politics, government, etc. It was topical, it was funny, and occasionally it was in bad taste. —Tim Brooks

The networks put up with the brothers for about as long as a network can.  They were on all three networks at one time or another. Yes, Virginia, there were only three choices, and none of them could tolerate the brothers forever.

As far as I know television no longer rises to quality programming, nor to courage. I mention this in the hope that young readers will consider that television has brushed up against excellence more than a few times, and that it always remains possible. The raging fools who live in our televisions today might numb us into thinking that television is inherently a piece of junk. It is not.

Another old show that contains a lesson is the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show. It ran from 1950 to 1958. It was unusual in several ways. It started off as a live show (as many did in those days). It was broadcast every other week. And most different of all, instead of taking commercial breaks, the commercials were written into the script. The big backer of the show was Carnation Evaporated Milk. The actors, in character, would recommend the beverage and show a variety of ways to use it.

The show was quite charming. George would step out of the action during the show and talk to the audience. It was inventive, to say the least.

I point out these old shows to acknowledge the ability of television to offer courageous, inventive shows. You can see some great old television if you are willing to sit still for an hour. It opens the mind to what a watered-down medium could do if it wanted to.

Straight talk about diversity at MIT

I get my master's at Chapman University

My experience with major universities is that they play it safe when it comes to controversial subjects. Maybe this is because the academic culture is itself afflicted with considerable inner strife and tension without starting a public dialog on the institution’s intractable problems. No matter, at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. They have taken the road less traveled and faced up to their demons.

The MIT web site hosts blogs that enable postings about diversity, particularly within the school itself. The first one I read was written by an executive assistant. She was candid about her reluctance to speak out, but she warmed to her topic and shared her point of view.

I work at overcoming my own biases about people who don’t look like me. I’d like some help from MIT and the city of Boston…

MIT is one of the most highly revered organizations in the country, and with good reason. I applaud them for this bold move of simply being honest. It is conspicuous for its rarity.

Congratulations to a great university! May many other institutional leaders take note!

Veteran’s Day, November 11

Robert M. Wilson

As Veteran’s Day approaches, I would like to honor all veterans and service people by reflecting on my dad’s service during World War II.

Dad served in the Atlantic and the Mediterranean fighting the Germans. He enlisted in the navy for the duration of the war, plus six months. The additional time was for the convenience of the government. It took a long time to muster people out.

The Germans surrendered on President Truman’s birthday in 1945: May 8. The Japanese surrendered the following August. Dad was released from active duty in January 1946. He was full of energy, and eager to meet a girl.

Mom was pregnant 14 months later, and everything was in short supply. The available housing consisted of mass-produced “cottages.” I was born in a quickie development called University Heights, or Homes, or something along those lines. The housing was not something you wanted to stay in for long.

Everybody was trying to outwit the price control laws. Dad told me that you could buy a car at the legally-controlled price, but you also had to pay extra for the gear shift knob. No car could leave the lot without the gear shift knob.

Dad completed one year of high school before he enlisted. He never made a serious attempt to complete his education. At his own volition he read voraciously. He had the Greek philosophers in his library, and he subscribed to a magazine called Science of Mind. He scrambled to find his way in a society flush with opportunity and opportunism. The decade that followed, the 1950s, was an era of unthinkable pressure to conform. That was not easy for him. He was relieved when the hippies arrived, but he had to wait a long time for that.

Veterans today face a myriad of problems. They survive more severe wounds than were survivable sixty years ago. They face a contracted job market. I feel for them.

It is good to put the current problems of veterans in a larger perspective. It helps us appreciate them. It helps us embrace them. It is our duty, and their birthright, to be respected for their tremendous contributions and sacrifices.

I honor our defenders, as I honor my dad.

A seat at the table

A well ordered dinner

On Thanksgiving Day the bird has its place, and so do I. In fact, all the people at the table have their places. I see to that. I am a big fan of assigned seating at formal dinners, especially when there are eight or more people in attendance.

Some people might consider me a control freak for doing this. I prefer to see a seating plan as a way to get the best out of the conversation and to affirm some values that everyone would like to see affirmed. In any refined society there is rank and privilege, yet everyone is included and loved for who they are. Dinner ought to reflect that, in my view.

You might prefer the scramble. I’ve sat through dinner with some people who thought I was really dull doing that. It’s much better to care for your guests by pampering them and telling them where they will have the most delightful experience.

For many years we have organized dinners for 18. That is where the seating plan comes into its own. More than 18 becomes a crowd, in my view.

An old rule of thumb for seating is boy-girl, boy girl. A good suggestion, but it does not provide enough guidance.

First, there is a decision to be made about the significance of the head of the table, unless you are using a round table, and they rarely accommodate more than six or seven people. The ends of a rectangular table have significance if you say they do. In my house, I say they do. I put an alpha male at the far end, opposite myself.

How do I identify the alpha male? It is a weighted blend of power, age, and dignity. If you are fluent in those qualities it is probably not too hard to single out the appropriate alpha male.

Our biggest table accommodates a party of 10. I sit at one end, and I put the alpha male guest at the other end. It is important to note that my wife participates fully in the design our seating arrangement. I also honor the other alpha females who will be in attendance. It is not a survival strategy to neglect alpha women.

Once the key positions are assigned, the next question is how to promote great conversations. If anyone is relatively new to the group he or she ought to be seated within talking range of someone who is already a friend. Quiet people, if any reside in your group, should not be clumped together. People who see each other frequently should be near people they see less often.

People who need to get up frequently to attend to food preparation or service should be given seats with the appropriate access. If there are any discords among people, they must be separated.

Sometimes children will bring their own surprises such as wanting to sit by their mother rather than being among the kids. There is no way to out-guess children.

Learning from mistakes

I once gave in to Yvette’s argument that certain people should be seated where they could enjoy the view through the window. It was the biggest seating disaster of my career because it ran counter to my basic principles and turned things into a hash. It was icky.

One must also honor the alpha women. They don’t usually demand a seat at the end of the table, but they want their influence to be recognized and reflected in the seating arrangements.  Place alpha women strategically. You have to define that word in each situation.

Tying it together

In the course of a long dinner people will get up, change seats, and “work the room.” That is one of my favorite parts of the evening. The success of this phase is enhanced, I think, by a proper seating plan through dinner. The self-directed mingle is a result of a cordial, festive mood throughout the meal.

A successful seating arrangement communicates who the anchors in the group are. Young people, especially, need to see the village elders and their roles affirmed and honored. It promotes conversation, and finally, it creates a sense of complete equality among all present, regardless of their age or time as members of the group.

Besides, it’s fun to make the place cards. If you haven’t done it, try it!

Another Golden opportunity

Michelle and The Golden Retriever

It’s a charity within a charity. The Goldens from Rescue a Golden were at the Broadway Barnes & Noble store today to raise money to buy books to be given to hospitalized children.

Michelle and Tessa came with me to visit. I was on assignment to photograph the event. Being in the presence of the dogs is nourishing to the soul and the spirit.

If you would like to see all the photos from the shoot, click HERE. Then click “slide show.”

Now, the dogs don’t much care where they are, but consider the volunteers who serve them. They took a good portion of their Sunday afternoon to donate to another good cause. It is humbling, from my perspective.

It restores your faith in the good of people and dogs, doesn’t it?

A dog will remind us of that life is good in case we lose sight of that simple fact.

By the way, the 2010 calendars will be available by next weekend. I haven’t seen what they look like. I took hundreds of photos, but I don’t know which of them Susan chose. Let me know if you want to buy a calendar. All the profits go to the dogs!

Namaste.

Things we remember

Memento of Jim and Carol's wedding

Mementos from Jaime & Bill's wedding

I ran across a magazine article while in my doctor’s waiting room on Friday. I will mention that Dr. Michael Duperret, Tucson, Ariz., is an excellent family doctor, and he has a good selection of magazines in his spacious waiting room. He is like the kindly old doctors in movies, except that he is young.

The magazine article lamented what the author saw as the decline of letters to friends.  This is a subject worthy of a conversation. I have not received a letter in many years, but I remember receiving some when postage was about eight cents.

What I get these days comes in two forms. The first is messages added to greeting cards. I’ve never been impressed with Hallmark’s idea of what people ought to say to me, but I do enjoy the original material that my friends add to the cards. I especially enjoy Carol Sauceda’s hand-made cards. Hallmark has no influence over them at all.

I like the greeting cards with my friends’ writing in them. We tend to save them in our house. I have a box of them somewhere.

Letters come in a new form these days. I speak, of course, of the blog. Blogs are like the mass-mailings people used to send out at Christmas, except that blogs can easily be published daily. No stamps are required, no folding, no stuffing of envelopes. I’m all in favor of this new technology.

My friends approach this blog tentatively. I appreciate all approaches. Few of them have their own blogs, and you have yet to see a guest post here apart from Yuri’s wonderful article about her swim with the dolphins. I think business will pick up eventually as people get more hip to blogs. Blogs are pretty much the “letter” of this century. It is even possible to “pipe” a blog’s accumulated posts into a book format and publish a single copy of it. I think that is very cool.

I am fond of mementos like the two in the photographs. They have much the same feel to me as letters. Consider the thought and affection that went into these.

Note the date: Happy Anniversary, Bill and Jaime!

It’s good to remember, and to be remembered.

Y’all take care, now.

God bless young people!

Carved by Tessa Yauger

I went to Michelle’s house tonight for a Halloween party. The party was wonderful, and then there were two pumpkins that her daughter Tessa had carved. As they say, just a little something she whipped up!

I carve the jaggy saw-toothed monstrosity. Look at what she did!

This reminds me of a conversation I had at Maysa’s wedding rehearsal. I was chatting with one of her sons and one of his friends. They serve to illustrate a point I would like to make.

Both young men are set to play music during the wedding. One young fellow is studying physics and philosophy in college. He is the one who plays the violin. This young man is, what? Twenty? He cares about physics, philosophy, and music. Am I talking to Isaac Newton?

Maybe it’s in the water, but there is something amazing and wonderful going on with the young people today. Pay attention! This is a big deal!

We thought Steve Jobs was cool, and maybe he was. But something bigger is stirring these days. My earnest recommendation is that you village elders get out there among the young folks and tap into their energy. I’m not fully confident of my peers these days. We seem real stuck. What is coming over the horizon is way cooler than hippies were. I know. I was there during the Haight-Ashbury thing. I lusted after hippie chicks (and didn’t get any of them). This is new, and better. This is a transition point for us. Don’t you miss it!

Let’s celebrate the young people. It’s their planet now, and they are more qualified to take it over than we think!

What have you seen out there?